Two weeks from now I'll be in Malawi.
People keep asking how I'm feeling about it, whether I'm excited/ready/nervous or not, and I don't really have a good response. I tend to say, "not yet," to be polite and stop myself from oversharing my emotional and psychological process about it. The real answer is I don't feel anything yet. I did have a good meeting about it yesterday and left feeling jazzed about going. So it's becoming more and more imminent and slightly less abstract, but I'm still too much in the transition to make much sense of it all.
Part of this transition is school ending, which hasn't sunk in yet. The end of the semester was a whirlwind that didn't end for me until three days ago. It's a little surreal to be be halfway done this program. And moreso to be saying goodbye to people for the summer. I've come to expect to see certain people everyday and they're not there anymore. The plane crash analogy really does seem to apply--somehow we're all surviving this thing together. It's feels awkward to split off and go do our own things again. I guess that's partly why I want to keep some central place to tell people what's going on; otherwise this summer just becomes a three line introduction in a class in Fall1 that no one really knows about. I don't know why I'm feeling weirdly existential about the end of the year, but I am. The building feels really empty without students here. Kae will have to be my rock through the transition. I will double check what she gives me back.
What I do know right now is that I'm definitely not ready. For anything, it seems. I essentially have to pack and move out before when my subletter arrives on Saturday. I'm going to the doctor on Friday to get malaria meds and any shots I didn't get for Kenya. I need: to find things like my outlet converter and my kenyan cell phone (and get it unlocked); figure out Skype, which seems to be the cheapest way to call back and forth; finish getting Medex insurance; resolve logistics for the apartment while I'm gone; buy a bunch of stuff--a few new clothes, body products; see people where possible; settle things up on the projects I'm working on at school.
It seems like a lot but it always gets done...so long as I do it. In the meantime, I'm heading to MD this weekend, which will be a good break.
***
A post-script, disclaimer, and introduction:
I've never been totally clear on how I feel about or what I want from a personal blog. I've had them in various iterations over the years (one of which spawned this domain name; see below for more details); they always become something between a past-tense to-do list or ramblings on whatever came into my head, neither of which I thought were very interesting. Plus there's that weird conversation where you start to tell a story someone had already read on your blog. They're also more demanding than I think; posts, even bad ones, take a while to write. All previous attempts have thus been doomed to fail. A major benefit, however, is efficiency: I can keep in touch with people--more accurately, more people can keep up on what I'm doing--faster and easier by posting in one place. So, (previous failures => existing domain name) + (Upcoming trip with limited email access) + Efficiency = Blog.
About the name: Yeah, Hon was available, seemed like a nice homage to Maryland roots, and represented my intentions for a chatty blog. For more thoughts or verification on the "hon" phenominon, check here, here, or here. It clearly has nothing to do with Malawi. Or Boston. Just go with it.
People keep asking how I'm feeling about it, whether I'm excited/ready/nervous or not, and I don't really have a good response. I tend to say, "not yet," to be polite and stop myself from oversharing my emotional and psychological process about it. The real answer is I don't feel anything yet. I did have a good meeting about it yesterday and left feeling jazzed about going. So it's becoming more and more imminent and slightly less abstract, but I'm still too much in the transition to make much sense of it all.
Part of this transition is school ending, which hasn't sunk in yet. The end of the semester was a whirlwind that didn't end for me until three days ago. It's a little surreal to be be halfway done this program. And moreso to be saying goodbye to people for the summer. I've come to expect to see certain people everyday and they're not there anymore. The plane crash analogy really does seem to apply--somehow we're all surviving this thing together. It's feels awkward to split off and go do our own things again. I guess that's partly why I want to keep some central place to tell people what's going on; otherwise this summer just becomes a three line introduction in a class in Fall1 that no one really knows about. I don't know why I'm feeling weirdly existential about the end of the year, but I am. The building feels really empty without students here. Kae will have to be my rock through the transition. I will double check what she gives me back.
What I do know right now is that I'm definitely not ready. For anything, it seems. I essentially have to pack and move out before when my subletter arrives on Saturday. I'm going to the doctor on Friday to get malaria meds and any shots I didn't get for Kenya. I need: to find things like my outlet converter and my kenyan cell phone (and get it unlocked); figure out Skype, which seems to be the cheapest way to call back and forth; finish getting Medex insurance; resolve logistics for the apartment while I'm gone; buy a bunch of stuff--a few new clothes, body products; see people where possible; settle things up on the projects I'm working on at school.
It seems like a lot but it always gets done...so long as I do it. In the meantime, I'm heading to MD this weekend, which will be a good break.
***
A post-script, disclaimer, and introduction:
I've never been totally clear on how I feel about or what I want from a personal blog. I've had them in various iterations over the years (one of which spawned this domain name; see below for more details); they always become something between a past-tense to-do list or ramblings on whatever came into my head, neither of which I thought were very interesting. Plus there's that weird conversation where you start to tell a story someone had already read on your blog. They're also more demanding than I think; posts, even bad ones, take a while to write. All previous attempts have thus been doomed to fail. A major benefit, however, is efficiency: I can keep in touch with people--more accurately, more people can keep up on what I'm doing--faster and easier by posting in one place. So, (previous failures => existing domain name) + (Upcoming trip with limited email access) + Efficiency = Blog.
About the name: Yeah, Hon was available, seemed like a nice homage to Maryland roots, and represented my intentions for a chatty blog. For more thoughts or verification on the "hon" phenominon, check here, here, or here. It clearly has nothing to do with Malawi. Or Boston. Just go with it.
Labels: malawi, summer, transitions
0 Responses to “here I go again”
Post a Comment